Making Decisions: Sex
At What Age Is It Okay to Have Sex?
Having sex before you’re married is just not a good idea. Many people say, “when you’re ready, you’ll know it,” but there are so many more things to think about than feeling ready for the physical part of sex.Many girls want to feel and be loved so they have sex hoping it will make a boy love them. Many boys just want to have sex. The goals and motivations can be very different, so sex outside of marriage can set you up for getting hurt or feeling rejected or remorseful. Your emotions are not necessarily trustworthy when you’re a teenager. Just because you “feel” you are ready doesn’t mean you really are.
In addition to the emotional risks, there are physical risks to having sex. A girl can get pregnant when she doesn’t mean to. Girls and boys can both get an STD that is difficult to treat or impossible to cure.
All of these factors can have a big impact on your future. If you become a teen parent, will you be able to finish high school or go to college or get and keep a decent job while raising and being responsible for a child? What will your parents think? What will your friends think? Will you struggle with feelings of guilt, low self-esteem or sorrow over the loss of your goals and dreams?
What Is Outercourse?
Outercourse is sexually stimulating another person with clothes on. As a relationship progresses, kissing can lose its excitement, so a couple may move on to stimulating one another while keeping their clothes on (the idea is to prevent intercourse). Even though the activity may seem “safe,” the reality is that it's moving the relationship closer to crossing the line into sexual intercourse.
What Is Oral Sex?
Oral sex is stimulating the sex organs with the mouth and the tongue. Even though you cannot get pregnant from oral sex, oral sex is not “safe sex” because you can still get sexually transmitted infections. Contrary to popular opinion—oral sex is sex.What Does It Mean to Be Sexually Active?
A person is sexually active when they participate in activities that stimulate the genitals, sexual organs and breasts. These activities may include touching, mutual masturbation, vaginal, oral and anal sex.Is It Normal for Teens to Have Sex?
Despite what you might think, the majority of teens—especially young adolescents—are not having intercourse. Some may be experimenting with sexual contact, but penetrative sex is not as common as most people think. Studies have found that more than 50% of all high school teenagers are virgins. While most teenagers have gone through puberty and are capable of sexual intercourse, being sexually active is still not considered the desired norm. In a national survey conducted by Nickelodeon and the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, the majority of teens and adults indicated it was important for teens to be given a strong message from society that they should not have sex until they are at least out of high school.I Don’t Want to Have Sex Now, But I Feel Pressured to Do So. How Can I Deal With This?
You might be feeling pressured because some of your friends are sexually active. Or you might feel pressure from the person you’re dating. Resisting peer pressure can be hard, but there are some things (like smoking, drugs, alcohol and sex) that are worth drawing a line in the sand and resisting because they can have such a negative impact on your future health, hope, and happiness.It’s important to carefully choose friends who share your values and will encourage you. It’s much easier to resist peer pressure when you have friends that will stand with you. The right friends can help keep you out of trouble, but the wrong friends, over time, will very likely entice you to join them in unhealthy risk behaviors such as sex, smoking, drugs, and alcohol.
For guys, if you’re being pressured by your girlfriend to have sex, then she does not have your best interest at heart. She is looking to gratify her own desires for intimacy.
For girls, if your boyfriend is more than two years older than you, you’re at a disadvantage in being pressured to have sex. Most teenage girls become pregnant by men who are older than them. If you have an older boyfriend that’s pressuring you to have sex, and if sex occurs, it’s actually a crime in many states. The best way to handle the pressure to have sex from an older man is to get out of the relationship as soon as possible for the sake of your own health and well-being. For boys, it may also be a crime for older women to have sex with you.
If you’re dating or hanging out someone your age and feel pressured to have sex, you need to make it clear that you do not want to have sex. If your wish is not respected and you continue to feel pressured, you should end the relationship.
There are many ways to avoid putting yourself in a tempting situation. Group dating actually relieves a lot of the pressure. You can also avoid temptation by spending time with your family and friends. Avoid being home alone with your boyfriend and do not watching sexually suggestive movies together. It’s very important that you’re able to talk about your decisions to remain abstinent with a friend, parent or trusted adult.
If you discover that most of the friends in your inner circle are sexually active, find some new friends with similar values as yours.
Is It True That Hardly Any Girls Go to College Without Having Had Sex?
This is not true at all. More than 50% of high school girls (grades 9-12) have never had sex. It’s a myth that “everybody is doing it.” Surveys have repeatedly found that teens think more of their peers are sexually active than actually are. Sexual activity, especially with guys, tends to be exaggerated. Surveys also show that the majority of sexually experienced high school students wish they had waited longer to engage in sex.How Do You Know If You’re Sexually Compatible With Another Person?
Despite what some may claim, this is not a legitimate physical issue. Sometimes this concept is claimed when a person is putting pressure on another person for sex within a relationship (“We have to find out if we’re sexually compatible”). It’s more important to develop a relationship with a person you’re genuinely interested in (as opposed to “sexual compatibility”).Getting to know the other person by talking about their goals, dreams and desires, and also letting them get to know you are a far more important indicator of compatibility. The important thing is that the relationship is healthy. Sexual problems or sexual dysfunction are often the result of past sexual abuse or sexual promiscuity, and they can be solved by counseling and time (not by “trying it on for size).” In addition, it may be very painful the first few times a woman has sex.